Dumbledore's Insane
by books4evah
Summary: KARAOKE TIME!" exclaimed Dumbledore. The students looked apprehensive, as it was one of Dumbledore's 'genius' ideas, but still looked excited. Slightly AU, and major OOCness on Dumbledore's part. Too many ships to count.


Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or the songs.

AN: AHHH!! Another musical!! Well, technically, it's a karaoke fic. Whatever. I've still gone insane. James Potter's Bloody Awesome Notebook, is yet again being held off. I guess I'm just lazy. Well, for those of you who were waiting for it, TOO BAD!! MUA-HA-HA-HA-HA!! I've been hanging around with Fred, George and Sirius too much, haven't I? Anyway, the moral of this ridiculously long monologue is that the lyrics are in italics.

**Dumbledore's Insane**

Dumbledore was innocently sitting in his office, when BAM!

The best idea he had ever had, hit him.

It was the end of Harry's fifth year, and everyone knew that Voldemort, or as Dumbledore liked to call him, Cupcake, was back.

The students needed a HUGE boost in morale, so what other way to do it then karaoke?

------------------------------

It was the end-of-the-year feast, and everyone looked gloomy.

That is, until Dumbledore yelled, "KARAOKE TIME!!"

No one, other than Dumbledore knew about this, so everyone was puzzled, except for the muggle-borns, when Dumbledore brought a black box up onto the stage.

"Alright, Dumbledore said," Dumbledore said.

Everyone was puzzled at Dumbledore's sudden inclination towards talking in the third person. But, they shrugged it off. Dumbledore was one mad hatter. Have you seen his hat collection?

Anyway, Dumbledore went on to explain what karaoke was, and then finally said, "If you want to, write your name on a slip of paper, and put it in my purple cashmere Dolce and Gabbana limited edition holidays hat of 1967. We will draw names out, to decide who goes next. Don't worry. Everyone who puts in his or her name will get to go. The rules are, no curse words, and you must dedicate your song to someone."

The students looked a bit apprehensive, like they did at all of Dumbledore's 'genius' ideas, but looked excited anyway. Hordes of students rushed up to put in their names.

"Okay…" drawled Dumbledore. "The first student is… Draco Malfoy!"

Draco sauntered up, and said into the microphone (which Dumbledore had insisted upon using, with a mad glint in his eyes, for authenticity), with a sultry look in his eye, "This is for you Harry James Potter."

Harry backed away, behind Ron and Hermione, looking quite scared.

_You told me_

_You'd wait here patiently but_

_I wonder if he's kidding_

_Well maybe he could be serious now_

_Maybe not_

_Maybe not_

_Because_

_Love is crazy_

_Pretty baby_

_Take it real slow_

_My feelings show_

_All you have to do_

_Is never ever let it go_

_My feelings show_

_And I want you to know_

_I'm sorry it's taking me so long_

_To find out what I'm feeling_

_I wonder if it will come to me_

_Maybe not_

_Maybe not_

_Because_

_Love is crazy_

_Pretty baby_

_Take it real slow_

_My feelings show_

_All you have to do_

_Is never ever let it go_

_My feelings show_

_And I want you to know_

_My feelings show_

_I want you to know_

_What I'm trying to say is that _

_I'm feeling a change and_

_I'll let it take over_

_If you need time away_

_I won't ask you to stay_

_But I don't want to lose you_

_Love is crazy_

_Pretty baby_

_Take it real slow_

_My feelings show_

_All you have to do _

_Is never ever let it go_

_My feelings show_

_Love is crazy_

_Pretty baby_

_Take it real slow_

_My feelings show_

_All you have to do_

_Is never ever let it go_

_My feelings show_

_And I want you to know_

_My feelings show_

_Never ever let it go_

_My feelings show_

_Never ever let it go_

_My feelings show_

_Never ever let it go_

_My feelings show_

"Okay," said Dumbledore. "That was Draco Malfoy singing Feelings Show."

"I will never love you!" Harry called from behind Ron and Hermione. "I love-"

Here Harry broke off, blushing.

"Yeah!" shouted a voice from the Ravenclaw table. "Harry's MINE!!"

Everyone turned around to see an angry Terry Boot jump on a gloomy Malfoy, trying to rip his hair out.

Pansy Parkinson and Blaise Zabini could be seen running out of the hall, sobbing what could be deciphered as "Stupid-Draco-not-loving-me-I-HATE-YOU-HARRY!!"

Oblivious to what was happening with the students, Dumbledore called Harry to go next.

"Umm…" Harry started. "I guess this is dedicated to the fact that I didn't fit in till Hogwarts."

_Whatever you do, I'll do it too_

_Show me everything and tell me how_

_It all means something_

_And yet nothing to me_

_I can see there's so much to learn_

_It's all so close and yet so far_

_I see myself as people see me_

_Oh, I just know there's something bigger out there_

_I wanna know, can you show me?_

_I wanna know about these_

_Strangers like me_

_Tell me more, please show me_

_Something's familiar about these strangers like me_

_Every gesture, every move that she makes_

_Makes me feel like never before_

_Why do I have_

_This growing need to be beside her?_

_Ooo, these emotions I never knew_

_Of some other world far beyond this place_

_Beyond the trees, above the clouds_

_I see before me a new horizon_

_I wanna know, can you show me?_

_I wanna know about these strangers like me_

_Tell me more, please show me_

_Something's familiar about these strangers like me_

_Come with me now to see my world_

_Where there's beauty beyond your dreams_

_Can you feel the things I feel?_

_Right now, with you_

_Take my hand_

_There's a world I need to know_

_I wanna know, can you show me?_

_I wanna know about these strangers like me_

_Tell me more, please show me_

_Something's familiar about these strangers like me_

… _I wanna know_

"That was Harry Potter singing Strangers Like Me. Next up… Mr. Crabbe and Mr. Goyle."

Ginny grinned. She knew there was a secret message in Harry's song. And if it was for her, well, that she'll find out after her song.

Crabbe and Goyle walked up to Dumbledore's makeshift stage, and said in unison, "This is for Draco Malfoy."

_Uh huh, life's like this_

_Uh huh, uh huh, that's the way it is _

_Cause life's like this_

_Uh huh, uh huh, that's the way it is_

_Chill out whatcha yelling for?_

_Laid back it's all been doen before_

_And if you could only let it be_

_You will see_

_I like the way you are_

_When we're flying on your broomstick_

_And you're talking to me one on one but you've become_

_Somebody else round everyone else_

_You're watching your back like you can't relax_

_You're trying to be cool you look like a fool to me_

_Tell me_

_Why do you have to go around and make things so complicated_

_The way you're acting like your somebody else gets me frustrated_

_Life's like this you_

_And you fall and you crawl_

_And you break_

_And you take what you get and you turn it into honesty_

_And promise me I'm never gonna find you fake it-_

"DAMN!" shouted Crabbe.

"Yes?" asked Dumbledore.

"We've forgotten the words!" replied a severely upset Goyle.

"How can you? It's karaoke!" a student muttered.

"Only Goyle and Crabbe," another sniggered.

Meanwhile, Malfoy slowly backed out into the hall, away from his mental cronies.

Unfortunately for him, there, Pansy and Blaise where waiting to smother him in kisses.

"Well, that was Crabbe and Goyle, attempting to sing Complicated. Next we have… Ron Weasley!"

Ron paled visibly, and went up to the microphone.

"Umm… this is for you, Hermione."

Ron swallowed, and started to sing.

_So she sad what's the problem baby_

_What's the problem I don't know_

_Well maybe I'm in love… love_

_Think about it every time _

_I think about it_

_Can't stop thinking 'bout it_

_How much longer will it take to cure this?_

_Just to cure it cause I can't ignore it if it's love…love_

_Makes me wanna turn around and face me but I don't know nothing 'bout love_

_Come on, come on_

_Turn a little faster_

_Come on, come on_

_The world will follow after_

_Come on, come on_

_Cause everybody's after love_

_So I said I'm a snowball running_

_Running down into the spring that's coming all this love_

_Melting under blue skies_

_Belting out sunlight_

_Shimmering love_

_Well baby I surrender_

_To the strawberry ice cream_

_Never ever end of all this love_

_Well I didn't mean to do it_

_But there's no escaping your love_

_These lines of lightning_

_Mean we're never alone_

_Never alone, no, no_

_Come on, come on_

_Move a little closer_

_Come on, come on_

_I wan to hear you whisper_

_Come on, come on_

_Settle down inside my love_

_Come on, come on_

_Jump a little higher_

_Come on, come on_

_If you feel a little lighter_

_Come on, come on_

_We were once _

_Upon a time in love_

_We're accidentally in love_

_Accidentally in love_

_Accidentally in love_

_Accidentally in love_

_Accidentally in love_

_Accidentally in love_

_Accidentally in love_

_Accidentally in love_

_Accidentally in love_

_Accidentally_

_I'm in love, I'm in love_

_I'm in love, I'm in love_

_I'm in love, I'm in love_

_Accidentally_

_Accidentally,_

_Accidentally_

_Come on, come on,_

_Spin a little tighter_

_Come on, come on_

_And the world's a little brighter_

_Come on, come on_

_Just get yourself inside her _

_Love… I'm in love_

Ron blushed, as Hermione's eyes bulged.

"Well, that was Mr. Weasley singing Accidentally in Love. Next, we shall have Ms. Granger, I think."

This time it was Hermione's turn to blush, as she ascended the stairs to the karaoke machine.

"I guess this song goes out to you, Ron."

Ron's eyes popped straight out of his eye sockets, and he would have fainted, had Harry not slapped him hard across the back.

_I thought that I was too old to believe in fairy tales_

_Bu there's a letter from you waiting when I check my mail_

_I start to shaking like a 7 on the Richter scale when you say you love me_

_Look in the mirror and I'm not who I used to be at all_

_It's coming clearer_

_I'm Cinderella at the ball I'm Alice growing 10 feet tall_

_It's not just make believe_

_Here comes the prince's kiss, I'm positive the slipper fits_

_It's not just make believe_

_It started out like just another ordinary day_

_Now suddenly my life is different in every way_

_The sun is brighter and the happiness is here to stay_

_It's like I'm dreaming_

_Thank you for showing me that true love doesn't hurt when you fall_

_You got me glowing_

_I'm Cinderella at eh ball, I'm Alice rowing 10 feet tall,_

_It's not just make believe_

_Here comes the prince's kiss_

_I'm positive the slipper fits_

_It's not just make believe_

_Whenever,_

_Wherever,_

_Forever,_

_I'll be with you_

_We have it's magic_

_Ohhhh…_

_Look in the mirror and I'm not who I used to be at all_

_It's coming clearer_

_I'm Cinderella at the ball, I'm Alice growing 10 feet tall_

_It's not just make believe_

_It's finally happening, I feel s good I gotta sing_

_It's not just make believe_

_I'm Ariel above the sea, I'm Beauty dancing with that Beast_

_It's not just make believe_

_Here comes the prince's kiss, I'm positive the slipper fits_

_It's not just make believe_

_Ohhh yeah_

_It's not just make believe_

_It's not just make believe_

_Ohhh yeah yeah ohhh yeah_

_It's not just make believe_

"I love you Ron!" Hermione called out.

"I love you too!" Ron replied.

They ran towards each other and started snogging madly.

"Get a room, will, you?" an irate Harry asked; he hadn't gotten his long-time crush to snog him.

So and Hermione pranced off, to find an empty broom closet they could occupy.

"Well, that was Hermione Granger singing It's Not Just Make Believe."

The school barely heard, they were all cheering about the fact that Ron and Hermione had FINALLY gotten together. Even the Slytherins were happy. They actually have hearts, you know. Just merciless cold ones.

Lavender did look kind of sour, though.

"Ginny Weasley! Please come up!"

Ginny did, and spoke into the microphone, "This is for you, Harry."

Hoping with all his heart that Ginny would not be singing about how she hated him, Ginny started singing.

_I used to think maybe you loved me,_

_Now baby I'm sure_

_And I just can't wait till the day _

_When you knock on my door_

_Now every time I go for the mailbox_

_Gotta hold myself down_

'_Cause I just can't wait_

_Till you write me you're coming around_

_I'm walking on sunshine, wooah_

_I'm walking on sunshine, wooah_

_I'm walking on sunshine, wooah_

_And don't it feel good!_

_Hey alright now_

_And don't it feel good!_

_I use to think maybe you loved me_

_Now I know that it's true_

_And I just can't spend my whole life_

_Just awaiting for you_

_I don't want you back for a weekend_

_Not back for a day_

'_Cause baby I just want you back_

_And I want you to stay_

_I'm walking on sunshine, wooah_

_I'm walking on sunshine, wooah_

_I'm walking on sunshine, wooah_

_And don't it feel good!_

_Hey, alright now_

_And don't it feel good!_

_And don't it feel good!_

_I'm walking on sunshine_

_I'm walking on sunshine_

_I feel alive, I feel the love, do wop, do wop_

_I'm walking on sunshine, wooah_

_I'm walking on sunshine, wooah_

_I'm walking on sunshine, wooah_

_And don't it feel good!_

_And don't it feel good!_

_And don't it feel good!_

_And don't it feel good!_

_I'm walking on sunshine_

_I'm walking on sunshine_

_I'm walking on sunshine_

_I'm walking on sunshine, do wop, do wop_

_I'm walking on sunshine_

_I'm walking on sunshine_

_I'm walking on sunshine_

_I'm walking on sunshine, do wop, do wop_

_I'm walking on sunshine_

_I'm walking on sunshine_

_I'm walking on sunshine_

_I'm walking on sunshine, do wop, do wop_

_I'm walking on sunshine_

_I'm walking on sunshine_

"And that was Ginny Weasley, singing Walking on Sunshine."

The scene that happened next, was much like the scene that happened one song before, with Ron and Hermione.

Except, this time, there were many of Harry's fan girls who were upset that Harry was dating some one other than them.

"STOP STEALING MY HARRY!" Cho Chang yelled at Ginny. But she eventually settled down, and continued her daydream about starting an 'I Love Harry Potter' shop in Diagon Alley.

And there was Fred and George, who were glaring at Harry for snogging their baby sister

But, before they could do anything, Dumbledore called them up.

"We dedicate this," George started.

"-To ol' toad-faced Umbridge!"

_Cruella de Vil_

_Cruella de Vil_

_If she doesn't scare you_

_No evil thing will_

_To see her is to take a sudden chill_

_Cruella, Cruella de Vil_

_The curl of her lips_

_The ice in her stare_

_All innocent children had better beware_

_She's like a spider waiting for the kill_

_Look out for Cruella de Vil_

_At first you think Cruella is the devil_

_But after time has worn away the shock_

_You come to realize,_

_You've seen her kind of eyes,_

_Watching you from underneath a rock!_

_This vampire bat!_

_This inhuman beast!_

_She ought to be locked up,_

_And never released!_

_The world was such a wholesome place,_

_Until Cruella, Cruella de Vil_

Fred and George finished with large, swooping bows, and a large applause coming form the students. None if them had liked Umbridge.

"That was Fred and George Weasley singing Cruella de Vil!"

Even though he was yelling into a microphone, Dumbledore could still barely be heard over the tumultuous applause.

After he waited for the cheering to die down (it took precisely ten minutes), Dumble dore whipped a name out of his hat, and said "Now we shall have Parvati and Padma Patil!"

The twins stepped up, and Parvati said into the microphone, "This is dedicated to all of our ancestors!"

_We are Siamese if you please_

_We are Siamese if you don't please_

_We are from a residence of Siam_

_There is not finer cat then I am_

_Do you see that thing swimming round and round_

_Maybe we can reach on in and make it drown_

_If we sneaking up upon it carefully_

_There will be head for you and a tail for me_

_We are Siamese if you please_

_We are Siamese if you don't please_

_Now we're looking over our new domisile_

_If we like we stay for maybe quite a while_

_Do you hear what I hear a baby cry_

_Where we finding baby there's milk near by_

_And if we look in baby buggy there could be_

_Plenty of milk for you and also some for me_

_We are Siamese if you please_

_We are Siamese if you don't please_

_Now we're looking over our new domisile_

_If we like we stay for maybe quite a while_

_We are Siamese if you please_

_We are Siamese if you don't please_

_We are from a residence of Siam_

_There is no finer cat than I am_

_There is no finer cat than I am_

_There are no finer cats than we am_

Parvati and Padma finished, and swooped back down to their seats.

"Wait, I thought they were Indian?" said an utterly confused Colin Creevey.

"Eh, Parvati's still hot to me," replied Dean Thomas, who was staring at Parvati.

"Padma's got it going on too," said Anthony Goldstein, over at the Ravenclaw table, who was staring at Padma.

"That was Parvati and Padma Patil's rendition of the Siamese Cat Song. Luna Lovegood, you're next."

Luna hurried up, and said, "I'm not really sure who this is for, so I'll just say Daddy, and the Quibbler."

_One day when I came home at lunchtiem,_

_I heard a funny noise_

_Went out to the back yard to find out if it was_

_One of those rody boys_

_Stood there with my neighbor called Peter_

_And a Flux Capacitor_

_He told me he built a tiem machine_

_Like one in a film I've seen_

_Yeah, yeah… he said…I've been to the year 3000_

_Not much has changed but they lived under water_

_And your great great great granddaughter_

_Is doing fine…is doing fine_

_He took me in the flux thing_

_And I saw everything_

_Boy bands, and another one, and another one_

_Girls there with round hair, like Star Wars float above the floor_

_We drove around in a time machine_

_Like the one in a film I've seen_

_Yeah, yeah… he said…_

_He said, I've been to the year 3000_

_Not much had changed but they lived under water_

_And your great great great granddaughter_

_Is doing fine…is doing fine_

_I took a ship to the year 3000_

_This song had gone multi-platinum_

_Everybody bought our seventh album_

_It had outsold Kelly Clarkson_

_I took a ship to the year 3000_

_This song had gone multi-platinum_

_Everybody bought out seventh album, seventh album, seventh album_

_He told me he built a time machine_

_Like the one in a film I've seen_

_Yeah, yeah…_

_I've been to the year 3000_

_Not much has changed bu they lived underwater_

_And your great great great granddaughter_

_Is doing fine…is doing fine_

_He said, I've been to the year 3000 _

_Not much had changed but they lived underwater_

_And your great great great granddaughter_

_Is doing fine…is doing fine_

_He said, I've been to the year 3000_

_Not much has changed but they lived underwater_

_And your great great great granddaughter_

_Is doing fine… is doing fine!_

Luna took a large breath as she finished her song.

"That was Luna Lovegood, singing Year 3000."

"Wow, she has a good singing voice," Dean remarked.

"Yep, and she's pretty hot," Seamus said.

"I agree," Neville said dreamily.

"I said! Mr. Finnegan, Mr. Thomas, and Nr. Longbottom are up next!"

The three tinged pink, as they made their way up to the stage.

"This is for Luna!"

_She's into superstitions,_

_Black cats and voodoo dolls_

_I feel a premonition,_

_That girl's gonna make me fall_

_She's into new sensations_

_New kicks and candlelight_

_She's got a new addiction for every day and night_

_She'll make you take your clothes off _

_And go dancing in the rain!_

_She'll make you live her crazy life_

_But she'll take away your pain_

_Like a bullet to the brain!_

_Upside inside out_

_Livin la Vida loca_

_She'll push and pull you down_

_Living la Vida loca_

_Her lips are devil red_

_And her skin's the color mocha_

_She will wear you out_

_Living la Vida loca_

_Living la Vida loca_

_Living la Vida loca_

_Upside inside out_

_Living la Vida loca_

_She'll push and pull you down_

_Living la Vida loca_

_Living la Vida loca_

_She'll push and pull you down_

_Living la Vida loca_

_Her lips are devil red_

_And her skins the color mocha_

_She will wear you out_

_Living la Vida loca_

_Living la Vida loca_

_Living la Vida loca_

_Living la Vida loca_

"OH. MY. GAWD!! SEAMUS!! I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME!!" Lavender cried out, bursting into sobs.

Seamus hurried down to comfort her, but every time he touched her, she shoved him off.

Dean shrugged, and went to snog Parvati.

What happened between Neville and Luna was pretty much what happened to Ron and Hermione and Harry and Ginny before, but this time, people were just looking at them oddly.

Oh, and before they started snogging, they checked the broom cupboard for nargles.

"Okay… That was Seamus Finnegan, Dean Thomas, and Neville Longbottom singing La Vida Loca."

Dumbledore reached into his hat, and pulled out another slip, spending a few seconds reading it before saying aloud, "Lavender Brown, you're up, now!"

Lavender immediately stood up, and dried up her face.

"I dedicate this song to myself," she said in a high, girly voice.

Most of the students rolled their eyes.

_Someday I will find my prince_

_He may be far away_

_But I know he will come_

_Someday_

_Prince of my dreams_

_Far away_

_To call my own_

_Someday_

_Someday my prince will come_

_Someday I'll find a love_

_And how thrilling that moment will be_

_When the prince of my dreams comes to me_

_He'll whisper I love you_

_And steal a kiss or two_

_Though he may be far away_

_I will find my love someday_

_Someday we'll say and do_

_The things we've been longing to_

_And I'll know him the moment we meet_

_For my heart will start skipping a beat_

_Someday when my dreams come true_

_Somewhere waiting for me_

_There's someone I'm longing to see_

_Someone I can't help but adore_

_Who will thrill me forever more?_

_Someday we'll say and do_

_The things we've been longing to_

_And I'll know him the moment we meet_

_For my heart will start skipping a beat_

_Someday when my dreams come true_

_One day my prince will come _

_And I will find my love_

_And I'll know it the moment we meet_

_Prince of my dreams_

_Far away_

_To call my own_

_Someday_

_Prince of my dreams_

_Far away_

_To call my own_

_Someday_

_Prince of my dreams_

_Far away_

_To call my own_

_Someday_

_Prince of my dreams_

_Far away_

_To call my own_

_Someday_

"AN HE ISN'T YOU, SEAMUS AND WON-WON!!"

"Okay. What's her problem?" muttered Hannah Abott.

"Meh! WHERE'S MY PRINCE?!" Lavender broke down, and started crying, running out of the hall.

"He's right here!" Seamus called, to no effect. "DAMNIT! I'M YOUR PRINCE, RIHT HERE!!"

Seamus then chased after her.

"Brilliant show methinks!"

"Albus, why are you speaking in the Elizabethan tongue?" Professor McGonagall asked.

"I should be able to speak in slang if I want to!"

Seeing McGonagall's confused expression, he added, "I grew up in the Elizabethan era."

"Well, that rules out any chance of a romance between us."

"What do you mean, Minerva?"

"The age difference! It's too large!"

"I still don't understand, you have to be at least born in the Victorian era."

"Well, I never!"

McGonagall, much to the surprise of the students, stomped on Dumbledore's foot, and stormed out of the hall.

Err, well, she only got to the doors of the great hall, before Dumbledore called out, "Wait! Minerva! What about our song! We cannot very well skip it!"

"Oh, very well," McGonagall said, making her way back up to the teacher's table.

"That was Miss Brown singing Some Day My Prince Will Come. Ooh! I hope my prince comes too!"

The staff and students shrugged at Dumbledore's usual behavior.

"Now, as Cupcake, I mean, Lord Voldemort, is back, we teachers have prepared a song to prepare you.

"Redundant much?" asked Zacharias Smith.

"WHAT? HOW DARE YOU INSULT ME?!" screamed Dumbledore.

He waved his wand, and Smith became a slug.

The whole student body, and staff, cheered for Dumbledore, and his extremely good deed (no one, not even his parents, liked Smith very much).

"Well, settle down and listen. And Professor Flitwick, please fetch those who are currently in the broom closets."

Professor Flitwick, who was too small to do anything, just performed a summoning charm.

Ron, Hermione, Harry, Ginny, Neville, and Luna all flew into the great hall. They sat down, looking quite flushed. Lavender and Seamus came flying in, too. Last of all to come were James and Lily Potter.

"BLOODY HELL!!" exclaimed Harry.

Lily knit her eyebrows, and reprimanded, "Don't curse, Harry James Potter!"

Harry then fainted.

"Oh dear," Lily muttered.

"Wait, your ALIVE? It though you were dead!" a bewildered Ron asked.

James scoffed. "James and Lily Potter, dead? We're invincible!"

"Then why weren't we informed of this?" Ron cut in.

Susan Bones called over from Hufflepuff, "Everyone knew, except you two."

Ron then turned to Hermione, "YOU knew, and didn't tell us?"

"Oh, it was funny, watching you not be able figure it out."

"Wait, if you were alive, then why wasn't it you who took care of Harry?"

"Well, we went to see Dumbledore after our supposed death," Lily started.

"And we decided to visit our favorite broom closet," James continued.

"And have stayed there ever since."

"Snogging."

"That's sick, man."

"WELL, if you're down with your little find-out information-that-you-never-knew-before-and-could-drastically-change-your-life fest, then the staff and I would really like to get on with our show," said Dumbledore.

"Go ahead, Dumby," said James.

"Dumby?" asked Michael Corner.

"DON'T SAY THE ACURSED NAME! DIE CORNER! AVADA KEDAVRA!"

Corner dropped dead, and the students and staff cheered again, they didn't like Corner much either.

"Well, shall we get on with it?" asked Professor McGonagall.

"Right. Students, we are singing this song to warn you about what to do when Cupcake, err, Lord Voldemort, comes near."

_There was a turtle by the name of bert _

_And Bert the turtle was very alert_

_When danger threatened him he never got hurt_

_He knew just what to do_

_He'd duck and cover, duck and cover_

_He'd hide his head and tail and four little feet_

_He'd duck and cover!_

_He hid beneath his little shell until the coast was clear_

_Then one by one his head and tail and legs would reappear_

_By acting calm and cool he proved he was a hero, too_

_For finding safety is the bravest wisest thing to do_

_And now his little friends and just like Bert_

_And every turtle is very alert_

_When danger threatens them they never get hurt_

_They know just what to do_

_They duck and cover, duck and cover_

_They hide their heads and tails and four little feet_

_They duck and cover!_

_He hid beneath his little shell until the coast was clear_

_Then one by one his head and tail and legs would reappear_

_By acting calm and cool he proved he was a hero, too_

_For finding safety is the bravest wisest thing to do_

_And now his little friends are just like Bert_

_And every turtle is alert_

_When danger threatens them they never get hurt_

_They know just what to do_

_They duck and cover, duck and cover_

_They hide their little heads and tails and four little feet_

_They duck and cover!_

_They duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, and cover!_

By the end of the song, the eyebrows of the students were up into their hairlines.

"Well!" shouted McGonagall. "Up to bed with you! Ron, Neville, please carry up Harry, would you? And James, Lily, back to your broom closet!"

As they were walking upstairs, Ron muttered to Neville, "Dumbledore is insane."

-------------------

Far away, back in London, a woman, by the name of J.K. Rowling, in her large mansion, was cursing under her breath at Dumbledore, while banging her head on a table in front of her

"Stupid-Dumbledore-ruining-my-perfect-plot! Now-angry-fan-mobs-will-hunt-me-down-and-kill-me! Must-get-secutrity!"

"But Mommy," her young daughter said. "Wasn't it books4evah who wrote the story, and twisted up the plot?"

"You're absolutely right!" J.K. cried, and started to cackle madly.

One week later, books4evah was being cornered by a very insane looking J.K. Rowling, who had a very sharp knife in one hand, and the on switch to an electric chair in the other.

Books4evah was regretting several things right now. Like how she hadn't seen her family in weeks, because she was so dedicated to her readers, and how she was so mean to her little sisters, and how her essay for English was probably not going to get an A.

She wasn't regretting anything concerning Dumbledore, like Rowling wanted her to.

Hey, Dumbledore IS insane.

AN: The end! The last song was Duck and Cover. And, those things that books4evah is forgetting, none of them are true (except for the English essay one, and the one about my sisters)! It's only a oneshot, but as I couldn't let myself die, I established an epilogue below.

**Epilogue**

Books4evah looked around, and saw Rupert Grint landing down, on a dragon.

He was holding a sword, which he slayed Rowling with (after the seventh book was written, otherwise it would have been just cruel) and helped up books4evah.

"I must tell you something, books4evah," he said, playing with her chocolate-colored hair.

"What?"

"I'm a wizard."

"How wonderful!"

"And, you're a witch."

"What do you mean, I never got the acceptance letter!"

"It was a bit delayed in it's arrival, I have it here for you."

"This is the best day of my life! Well, other than the day that I met you, of course."

Rupert beamed at her.

They started snogging. Rupert is a very good snogger, have I mentioned that yet?

Well, they stopped when Dumbledore brought in the karaoke machine, and they started singing.

_I've never been in love before…._

The story ends with Ron and Hermione marrying, Harry and Ginny marrying, Neville and Luna marrying, Fred and Angelina marrying, George and Alicia marrying, Dumbledore and McGonagall marrying, Crabbe and Goyle marrying, Blaise and Pansy marrying, Terry and Smith (still in slug form) marrying, Malfoy and a picture of himself marrying, and Rupert and books4evah marrying. YAAAAAYYYY!!!

**The Real End**


End file.
